studio

WHEN THe gods fall asleep

E’ un progetto fotografico iniziato nell’estate del 2023 per denunciare i crimini d’odio gender based moltiplicatisi nel nostro paese. Alla base c’è la volontà di contrastare un’umanità sempre più intollerante nei confronti di ciò che si considera diverso. L’obiettivo del progetto è quello di combattere le rappresentazioni sociali come i pregiudizi e gli stereotipi, costrutti di paura e ignoranza, con la bellezza e la conoscenza di un mondo Altro.

In mostra a Roma dal 30 Agosto al 13 Ottobre 2024 a Roma da Bar.lina.

Che ci si concentri sulla nostra Gloria, piuttosto che sul nostro Dolore, nonostante come il Sole e la Luna, entrambi brillino della stessa Luce ell’Oscurità dello stesso cielo”

“Lotto per non assumere la forma del dolore ma quella del caos gioioso, dell’euforia senza forma, senza genere”

“Io sono farfalla, mi ripeto”

CHASING ROMULUS |

THE ORIGINS OF ROME

Il fiume Tevere è legato a doppio filo all’origine di Roma, secondo la leggenda infatti i futuri fondatori di Roma, Romolo e Remo, furono abbandonati in una cesta lungo le acque del fiume prima di essere salvati da una lupa, simbolo della città Storicamente, per secoli, la sopravvivenza di Roma fu affidata al fiume che l’attraversava e che rappresentava l’unica fonte di approvvigionamento.

“Il biondo” Tevere, così definito dai poeti, dall’alto appare come un pigro serpente che aderisce al corpo barocco della citta’ eterna quasi intagliandola. Nessun fiume al mondo ha visto scorrere tanta storia eppure oggi e’ abbandonato, scorre invisibile come un rifiuto.

Percorrerlo è stato come andare a caccia di rovine di una civiltà perduta in cui passato e presente si fondono in un tutt’uno. Il Tevere, come metafora del ciclo vitale e come lettura della modernità consumistica. Questo progetto ha lo scopo di creare consapevolezza condividendo conoscenze storiche e scientifiche allo scopo di costruire un dialogo per una società sensibile alle tematiche culturali e ambientali.

Durante i quattro anni e mezzo di durata del progetto ho percorso il fiume Tevere lungo tutti i suoi 410 Km, a volte in canoa, in macchina o a piedi, fotografando il fiume con regolarità dalla sorgente alla foce ogni 5 km. Il mio scopo era di raccogliere un campionamento visuale del fiume. Ciò che mi ha spinto all’inizio è stata la curiosità, ero in cerca di approfondimenti, alla base c’era la voglia di capire da vicino i motivi dell’inquinamento del fiume e l’importanza storica che esso ha rivestito per oltre duemila anni. Ho immaginato il mio viaggio con un’inizio e una fine, ho scattato idealmente come fosse l’arco di una sola giornata, quindi la sorgente del fiume è stata scattata con le luci dell’alba e la foce è stata immortalata con le ultime luci del tramonto.

SCIAMI

L'Aquila, 6 Aprile 2009. E' notte fonda. Tutto è avvolto dal silenzio. Una scossa più forte scuote la terra. Alcuni scendono in fretta in strada, altri nemmeno escono di casa perchè la Protezione Civile li aveva rassicurati dicendo che non ci sarebbe stata una scossa distruttiva. L'Aquila è scossa da uno sciame sismico da sei mesi e uno sciame ha spaccato in due la città molto prima del terremoto fatale.

Uno sciame di opinioni che fa tornare molti a dormire, ma con le voci che rimbombano nella testa. Quelle delle istituzioni, di chi avrebbe dovuto proteggerli, di chi dovrebbe avere a cuore la salute dei cittadini. 309 persone non si alzeranno più da quei letti. Nelle 48 ore successive ci sarebbero state altre 300 scosse che lasceranno una cicatrice indelebile. Riuscii a partire per L'Aquila come volontaria per la Protezione Civile dopo qualche giorno. Ci assegnarono dopo i primi giorni passati nel centro della città al campo di Coppito.

Ricordo come fosse ora quelle notti gelide passate in guardiola e a tentare di dormire nei tendoni ministeriali, le macerie sabbiose che pulivamo, il caldo atroce, le giornate scandite dai pasti, i vestiti improbabili con cui erano riusciti a scappare, la disperazione, l'odore di morte che per mesi si sentiva tra i vicoli, la fierezza. Quella notte migliaia di persone persero tutto. Rimasi otto mesi con loro.

Kill me, please

I got COVID 18 months ago and since then I’m one of the people out there experiencing long lasting symptoms. What I’m going through it may sound like the result of a bad hangover but is called brain fog.

I've got issues to think clearly, I am not fully present almost all the time, I'm hearing and thinking like if I was constantly in a bubble, I have more and stronger headaches than usual, I am hopelessly depressed and I am absolutely exhausted for no reason, even in the morning. I know that it’s s almost impossible to understand but sometimes I cannot even walk or think. While I'm writing or speaking, even in Italian, I am unsure about the grammar, the terminology or the proper conjugation to use.

I'm keeping a diary since August ‘22 to record my symptoms in order to help the doctors I'm speaking to. What strikes me is that COVID has different effects on every organism the virus will pass through. My fog got shaken off for the first time since I got infected from the 24th of December till the 4th of January. I was present again. I was over the moon. Few days later the fog came back and I just wanted to take my own life.

During all this time it has been very hard to work, most of the time was simply not possible. Our government doesn’t help us and even the doctors don’t recognize it as an illness. I read only scientific papers, one of them stated that most of patients experiencing brain fog show irritability, severe depression, symptoms similar to Alzheimer or dementia. I read about people that have taken their own life since they couldn’t bear this new kind of life, it is no hard for me to understand them.

I consulted as many specialist I could, part of them says that it will go away, the rest says that I don’t have to hope to come back as I was. What is Covid doing to my brain? I got a blood test. There’s no way of diagnosing long Covid symptoms yet, but I figured it can’t hurt to rule out any other problems or deficiencies. I do not have any medical background I just have the strong will to get my brain back as It was but now, one year and a half later, I’m unsure that it could be possible.

In the meantime let’s try to survive.

I believe we are what we eat, so I started to control my diet since the very beginning. No junk food. No tabacco. No alcohol. According to major studies a diet rich of vegetables and fruits is the key to help your body react to the (every) infection. I was following this diet even before the infection so I didn't notice drastic changes but what I'm feeling as I am constantly short of nutritive components, as if my brain is hungry, so I have the need to eat every two or three hours. If I don't I will be a zombie. Nonetheless, I have take a lot of supplements through the day in order to support my body.

I have to make sure to get enough sleep, at least for 7/8 hours, the whole body have had the time to regenerate, innumerable studies suggest that a bad sleep pattern is likely to make brain fog. Even though I still wake up feeling like I need at least seven more hours. I try to avoid screen time as much as I can, especially before bedtime. Although, to be fair, on nights where I stay up a bit too late, everything is definitely worse.

A doctor told me that around half of people who get Covid are experiencing long-lasting symptoms but for how long? Did they will desappear? The page I came across first when I was looking for it was by Harvard Medical School who suggested increasing the participation in activities that are “cognitively stimulating” — like listening to music, practising mindfulness and positivity (sometimes, most of the times it will be the hardest to do but it helps, I assure you), socialising and brain games but I have to say that one month after Covid I wasn’t even able to discuss with my nephew about comics without feeling exhausted and with a headache so strong that made me wish to end my life.

I have studied myself and Covid like if I had to do a reportage about it, suggested on what I have read and experienced that’s my opinion, those who previously had a brain injury get more severe brain fog issues. The brain fog Covid related in my case it accelerated symptoms compatible with the process of dementia or cognitive degeneration, it altered my character, my feelings, my abilities reducing them, reducing my tolerance to stress like an old lady. After 18 months I can say that 60/70% of me is back but still I am not able to stress my body or my mind. Perform one minute plank leave me drained for a couple of days. Paraesthesia and asthenia are still the main symptoms. The million-dollar question now is whether it will make me prone to the onset of symptoms consistent with early dementia.

Brain Fog Diary

Legend: pain 1 to 10

2022

June 30: (10) 6 months after my third shot. I got infected in Rome, probably at the hospital or on the bus. Was Extremely hot, around midday. I suffer from low pressure and I was extremely week. Two days after my internal temperature was already 38 degrees. I thought that I got a sunstroke, as usual. I got several cold shower to decrease my internal temperature. The first test was negative. For one week I suffer from the worst "flu-like" I ever had. High fever last 6 days, my whole body hurst internally, especially the lower back. I was sweating a lot and after few hours I was shivering from cold. Paracetamol, Ibuprofene, Antibiotic, everything was useless.
July 9: (10) I got negative. Cold that lasted for a month. I started getting familiar with the feeling of muffling. The hangover-like. Headache. Extreme tiredness.
10-20 July: (9) Inability to drive, play cards, do crosswords, to read, write emails, work on the PC, follow a discussion on comics with my nephew. Impossible to do anything that requires any effort.
1-7 August: (4) Cinigiano holiday. Started driving again. Started reading fluently again (Dan Brown). Unable to read university texts. To send simple emails. Started walking again. Wellbeing in the water.
August 8 -14: (8) I feel in pain again. Heachache. Feeling of muffling. The sensation of being hangover. I have to force myself to do everything, even to get outside the bed. I want to take my own life. I feel like I will never be able to go back to the way I was before.
15-20 August: (3) I took a four days holiday by the sea alone. I am extremely irritable, I am independent in everything. I eat little, I can drive with no issues. I was able to study a bit, my ability to concentrate was very subtle but I'm feeling fine. I can swim two hours a day, below my standard. I feel I've been through the worst.
21- 30 August: (7) Difficulty playing cards with old people. Concentration problems. Attention span 15/30 Min. Extreme tiredness as if my brain and body have no energy. Doctorate test preparation impossible to study.
September: (7) I have to try very hard to do anything. Extreme difficulty studying, getting out of bed, walking. Failed a PhD test. Phantom limb sensation with the brain. Everytime I'm going by the sea I feel sane again.
October: (10) I paddle with my Kayak for just 5 km along the Tiber, at the end of the day I was destroyed. I wanted to die for the next three days. I experienced intense headache, sense of muffling. The posterior skullcap no longer felt as if it had been removed. As if she were asleep.
1-14 November: (5) The pain is so strong that I beg to go by the sea. The first days I have felt better, the new environment and the joy of seeing the sea and the sun have had a positive impact on my health. I take a walks of 2/3 km a day. Extreme tiredness. These days I stopped all the supplements to see if they work or not.
November 15: (6.5) I got up at 5.00, I had to call the police for the neighbors. I drove 30km to FSL for neuropsychological testing (3h). Aftermath: Intense tiredness. Heachache. Muffling. It was like my brain was breking into pieces.
16 - 30 November: (7) Ups and downs. I started taking the supplements again. After the first 15 days on the seaside I feel sick, depressed and hopeless again.
16 -17 December: (5) I got up at 6.30 and drove for three hours to SL Foundation. Then I showered at home and went out to have dinner with a friend. The morning after I was devastated. The next morning I went to visit my relatives, I went to the bookshop and had breakfast at the bar. I was tired but better.
20/21/22 December : (9) I am not able to do anything. Even watching a TV series or using my cell phone causes me fatigue. Headache that is not relieved with ibuprofen (as always). I want to die. Extreme tiredness. I feel as bad as I did 5 months ago.
23 December : (6) Feeling tired with everything. Even reading a book. Even writing on your smartphone.
December 24th: Regaining lucidity for the following days. I want to live. I'm eating a lot of cabbage. I took an Ibuprofen + Lansoprazole + Neovis Sport + Ginkgo
26/30 Dec: (5) The Fog came back. I’m so exhausted. I can do anything. I’m just laying everywhere.

2023

5 January: (4) extreme tiredness but my mind is more lucid than it have ever been in six months. I am so happy. I feel that I can try to do something more and IEven going to Siena knocks me out for the next few days. Carrying the camera makes me very tired. Driving makes me very tired.
6 January 2023: (6) The feeling of hangover and muffledness came back. Feeling of tiredness, dizziness, nausea. I want to die. Yesterday I got tired, I went from one shopping center to another and there were a lot of people, too much confusion that I couldn't handle. I have to rest, I'm on the sofa but I can't even read. I argued with someone, I'm even worse. Sensation of numbness of posterior skullcap.
8 January 2023: (6) The feeling of muffling persists. I think I'm getting my period. It's getting worse these days. In the morning it was better. Now it has become more pronounced. Sensation of numbness of posterior skullcap.
9 January: (6) My aunt died, I'm driving 300 km in the morning to see the neurologist at Gemelli's hospital. The day after I'm driving back home, I am not tired as I was expected. Maybe I'm finally getting better. I so hopeful.
11-13 January: (8) I feel nauseous, dizzy, stuffy, extremely tired. Going to the grocery store devastates me. Sensation of numbness of posterior skullcap.
14-19 January: (6) I started of treatment recommended at Gemelli's Hospital (Neurodine, Gliatilin 600mg, Pineal Tens Forte) The first two drugs make me strongly dizzy. I completed the first cycle (10 days) then stopped because my mind couldn't tolerate it. I asked to replaced Neurodine with Bioarginine suggested by the Hospital against cronique fatigue. I'm taking 1.6 g x 2 times a day and 500g of Vitamin 5.
January 20 - February 3: (6) manageable symptoms. The end it's the part of the month when I feel better. There were peaks of discomfort when the weather was changing. February 6 The strong discomfort is starting again. Dizziness. Annoyance from louder noises. Even the sun and the sea no longer have an effect. One dose of Arginine doesn't seem to have much effect. I still have to deal with strong headaches and tiredness.
February: (5) I'm assuming two doses per day, I'm starting to feel better, my body is finally "charging" energy.
March: (5) I fell extremely weak and with very few energies. After all this time I still have to prioritize the more important activities to do.
April: (4) I came back to Rome after six months by the sea. I feel with some more energy, I'm able to perform multiple tasks throughout the day without feeling exhausted. I am enjoying social relationship again.
May - June: (4) I feel weak, easily tired. I have to rest very often. I need supplements, is getting very hot in Rome. I can't stand the heat, I'm leaving the city to go up to the mountain.
July: (4) It is too hot, I am paralyzed during the day and I am too tired during the night. I am so irritable.
August: (4) I still have difficulty to concentrate, to perform physycal and psycological efforts as proof readings or drive.
September: (3) I feel slightly better, my health is always on a razor's edge but more stable. Maybe I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
October: (2) I am less tired, I have no need to sleep more then 8 hours.
November - December: (2) I have done some test and the SL Foundation. I noticed that I am improving, my mind is capable to stay in focus a longer period of time, to concentrate, to isolate again multliple input. Even though I am not the person I used to be but with time, after all, I can improve.
2024
January: I tried to do plank for a couple of minutes, after two hours I am so weak that I have to lay down for the rest of the day. Paresthesia and asthenia strikes again. I wonder if I ever can get back to normality.

Lust for life

"Lust for life" is an ongoing project inspired by surrealism, movies and comics. It's set in London, a city where traditions and innovations coexist trapped in an endless vortex.

With a visual narrative I investigated the condition of loneliness and the constant research to fulfill a void. The project is a challenge to explore the layers between simulacra and human beings.